♾️ Doubly related

One of the grand matriarch of our extended family is Arati Ghosh (Mawana-Noida-Bangalore). Her elder son, Partho Ghosh’s wedding is one of the few big family gatherings from my childhood. It was the first time I met many of my distant cousins, most of whom I still haven’t met again. But Arati Maashi stood out from the crowd, and till this day, continues to stay in constant touch. 

I remember even my formidable mom was in awe of her discipline. She always narrated the story of how they were with Maashi for a meal, and she threw out an entire serving dish, just because it slightly touched another dish on the table (thereby becoming ‘aytho/ jhootha/ impure). The incident left such a strong impression on my mother that every time her name came up in a conversation, that story was sure to be told and retold! To her, Arati Maashi was a family role model of ‘bhodrota’ and tradition! She had no trouble accepting that she was scared of her! By the time I grew up to interact with her independently, she was much mellowed down and I remember being in Bangalore during my first job as a trainee in Unilever, and visiting their newly built beautiful house. With Sonjoy-da and Nisha-di being talented architects, who have gone on to become much respected in their careers, the house was truly an airy wonder of light and space. And within it, Atari Maashi’s gracious hospitality is second to none. Last month, my husband Rupesh was able to drop in for a visit during a business trip. What started as plans for a quick visit over breakfast became a full fledged multi-course delicious dinner! And Rupesh got the full ‘jamai’ treatment! 

^{(L-R: Sonjoy Ghosh, Nisha Matthew Ghosh, Rupesh Tripathi, Arati Ghosh)}

During this visit, an interesting point came up - I have always called Sonjuda as my brother but he thought I was his niece. It was my sister Surabhi (Tuki) who reminded us of the double relation. I am both cousin and niece to him since Arati Maashi is related to us by both birth AND by her marriage!! 

And who else can clear up this circular family connection than my Uncle Biswajit Basu, the historian and storyteller of the family! 

Here it is, in his own words: 

(From Biswajit Basu)

I'll explain it to you so it is clear once and for all. Tuki is right.  The cause of the confusion is the double relationship.  Here goes the explanation:

Aratidi's son is Sanju and Aratidi is my jethamoshai's (my father's next elder brother's) daughter.  That makes Aratidi Moon's and my first cousin.  Therefore Sanju is Moon and my nephew.  Therefore, by this relationship Sanju is your cousin.

Now, Jorbagh's Maima's brother, Shyamal Jamaibabu, married Aratidi and Sanju is their son.  That makes Aratidi my Maima too and Sanju then becomes my cousin and also your mama.

Now, since my relationship with Aratidi as my first cousin is much closer and more direct than through Shyamal Jamaibabu which is more convoluted, therefore I regard Aratadi as my cousin sister making Sanju my nephew.  That goes for Moon too.  So by this  closer relationship, Sanju is your cousin (but a mama by the more distant relationship)

Who said family branches are always straight!